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Photo Stories

Luck In Dating: Give Yourself The Credit You Deserve

July 4, 2017
The same way that one might simply state that they are “lucky” to be on a great career path, one might also describe their love life as “lucky” or “unlucky” - but is that really all it is?

Let’s say that you’ve landed a great man and your relationship is going smoothly. Is it enough to pin this all on “luck”? Passing off meeting someone great or having a healthy relationship as mere “luck” potentially discredits all the shitty experiences you’ve had in the past. Describing your love life situation as “lucky” would discredit all of your break ups, heart breaks, one night stands, bad dates, awkward tinder conversations, and anything else you could describe as having been an “unlucky” situation.

Photos by: Sabrina Scott + Ema Walters

-Meeting Someone-

Meeting someone new is always both exciting and scary. If you are constantly meeting new people that you aren’t interested in, you are most likely to say that you have bad luck in this area. The opposite applies to meeting someone that gives you a great first impression. Running into someone special can sometimes seem like such an impossible phenomenon that it’s often explained away by pure “luck”, or even “fate”.

Fate Patch Set, $10

In the movie 500 Days of Summer (spoiler alert), when heartbroken Tom asks his ex, Summer, why she has chosen to marry someone else, she explains the way that she met her husband as a rare romantic incident. She explains that she was just sitting in a deli reading a book, when her soon-to-be husband asks what she is reading. She tells Tom that if she wasn’t at that deli at that moment, reading that book, she would have never met the love of her life. Summer, is just so lucky, right?

Tom: You never wanted to be anyone’s girlfriend and now you’re somebody’s wife.
Summer: It surprised me to.
Tom: I don’t think I’ll ever understand that. I mean it doesn’t make sense.
Summer: It just happened.
Tom: Right, but that’s what I don’t understand- what just happened?
Summer: I just, I just woke up one day and I knew.
Tom: Knew what?
Summer: What I was never sure of with you.
Tom: You know what sucks? Realizing that everything you believe in is complete and utter bullshit. It sucks.
Summer: What do you mean?
Tom: Ah you know, destiny, and soulmates, true love and all that childhood fairytale nonsense. You were right, I should have listened to you.
Summer: (laughs) No, come on. Well you know… I guess its cause I was sitting in a deli and reading Dorian Grey and a guy comes up to me and asks me about it and now he’s my husband.
Tom: Ya and…so?
Summer: So, what if I had gone to the movies? What if I had gone somewhere else for lunch? What if I had gotten there ten minute later? It was…it was meant to be.

What if he just lives in the same area and goes to that same deli? What if he had seen her before, knew he would see her again, and finally gained the courage to talk to her on that particular day? What if they worked the same hours? What if they both make similar income? Also, why would he (as a young and thin white male) not find Summer (as a young and thin white female) attractive? If she did not fit his standard of beauty, would he have bothered to ask what she reading?

Racer Patch Set, $10

There are a lot of overall factors that can cause two people to meet. The chances of two particular people meeting most likely has nothing to do with luck, but rather their environment and social standing. Social psychology argues that people meet based on physical appearance, similarity, proximity, and reciprocity. I know this to be true in my everyday life; I can often predict which boys I am going to run into at a party simply based on (1) physical appearance: we are all in the same age range and dress relatively the same (2) similarity: what type of music/ art/ people we are interested in (3) proximity: who lives in my area and who I have seen before (4) reciprocity: if I already know a boy likes me as a person, I would be friendly towards him and he would react in the same friendly manner. These are just some factors that apply to my argument that people don’t meet due to some perfect alignment in the stars, or fate, or whatever. There are so many social factors that can cause two people to meet.

The logic behind dating sites like Tinder and eHarmony is literally based on the theory of physical appearance, similarity, proximity, and reciprocity. Those who often use dating sites are those who accept their “unluckiness”, and therefore reject the idea that you can only meet someone out of pure luck. Tinder allows you to meet people based on appearance, age, interests, and location. There is no luck here when meeting someone compatible.

So give yourself the credit you deserve if you ever meet, or have met, someone amazing. You did not meet them by mere luck; you met them because they are similar to you. Don’t think that it is crazy that you are with someone awesome, and know that you are with them because you are awesome.

Secret Pin, $4

-The Successful Relationship-

It isn’t enough for a happy couple to say that they just got lucky. A successful love life requires trial and error: you learn from your experiences with bad relationships and you learn what you like or don’t like in a partner. You also learn about yourself. Like everything else in life, you can find success through hard work. If you’re honest with yourself about your dating process, then you’ll have a successful relationship. It’s not luck or a universal plan, it’s how hard much work you put into the relationship!

I used to think that meeting the right person was entirely based on luck. My idea of the “right person” had to fit a checklist – he had to have a well-paying and stable job, he had to be good looking by everyone’s standards, he had to be artistically inclined, he had to have a nice apartment, and had to have a group of close-knit friends. About over a year ago, I thought I met “Mr. Right”.

Racer Pin, $4

We had known each other existed through mutual friends, and one day, we just happened to be waiting at the same bus stop. I thought this HAD to be fate, that this was meant to be, and that it was a sign – so I fantasized about him and I. He ended up texting me, and we steadily dated for about a month. We both really tried. I would spend nights at his house watching TV with him and eating dinner that he had thoughtfully planned out and made to impress me. It seemed perfect and I thought I was so lucky to have run into him at that bus stop.

Eventually, the magic faded: I started texting him less and found myself getting bored. It wasn’t anything he had done – he was still very sweet and nice. Despite the fact that he had a great job, a great apartment, and made interesting art – something just wasn’t working for me. After thinking about myself, my wants, and my behaviour, I realized that I was clinging onto this idea of luck. I thought that since I was so lucky to have had a chance with him that we were destined to have a successful relationship.

My reasons for liking this boy were shallow and it wasn’t luck that drew him to me, but rather we were bound to meet. We knew the same people, had similar interests, and we lived in the same area. It wasn’t fate, or magic, or anything out of the ordinary. Our short-lived relationship ended on good terms, and my experience with him became yet another bundle of lessons that I can carry with me into my new relationships.

Racer Tote, $12

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